1:17am End

i come home
and there are things happening
that are unexpected
maybe that's to be expected
but why is he here?
why is she with him?
i think they were making out
it's across the hall
and it weirds me out
not exactly sure why
maybe i'm jealous
maybe i long for someone to love me
so badly
that everytime
i see somethign resembling that
it weirds me out
maybe everytime i see
some sort of fake encounter
that pretends to resemble love
i get nauseous
i have a tendency to make myself
sick
when psychological things
frustrate me
or anger me
i get angry mostly
i wonder why this bothers me
i just left a party
where i didn't know many people
i met a nice guy
a few girls
i almost wish i hadn't gone everyone was nice
and i'm glad whitney came down to see me
but i didn't want that
i have been locked up in my mother's house
while she has been gone
for the past week
i havent wanted to see anyone
my roomates are mad at me
they dont know why i haven't been here
why i havent cleaned
why i havent told them
i don;t know either
i guess i didn;t feel any obligation to them
i love them
but i needed to be alone
it was nice hanging out with my brother some
we have hung out every night
(except tonight)
for the past few nights
and we've had these great conversations
i'm great im finally connecting with my brothers
i need that
my eyes sting
jose gonzalez wails at me from the left
and i itch my arm
sleep is upon me
i'm sorry this is random
actually no i'm not
this is for me
whoever reads it
i'm happy you read it
and i hope you get out of it
whatever you need to get out of it
i'm going to sleep now
i'm going to try to post on this
every day
let's see what happens...