Monday, January 22, 2007

Stars and Heart Problems

So, it has been awhile since I have posted anything new.
Sorry to disappoint anyone who actually checks this.
But, I'm back.
For I am back in school, and writing again.
I kind of had this period over break where I was unable to write. My journal was right next to my bed. Yet, no matter how much I stared at it, nothing would come.
This is why I am loving school. It puts me in situations where I have to write. And it usually comes up satisfactory. And even if not, I am forced to sit down and really look at my piece. Therefore, making me have to go back and edit. First thought is not always best though. Though, it can be fun to see what you come up with.
I have been thinking a lot about the post I posted back in the middle of December about the situation I had with that guy. Now, If you know me, you know that I am not a person to hold grudges. I'm pretty sure it's actually physically impossible for me. So this guy, I found out recently, was trying to get in contact with me a few weeks ago. My friend, fortunately, did not give him my number. I have not seen him as of yet on campus but it is inevitable. I am not really scared, per se, to see him. I am more just undeniably curious. I am a curious person, so curious that I have been tempted to just show up at his house and ask him: "So...about that whole asking for my number thing, what did you need to tell me?" I mean, there is an endless list in my head of possibilities for this conversation that while undoubtedly arise. Every time I am on campus all I can think is: "Will I see him?". My heart has been jumping at every single person walking by me and I'm getting afraid i may have a severe heart attack soon. Pretty much, the story is that I am driving myself crazy. I want to know, damnit. So if any of you know him please tell him I want to know WTF.

A song about a six pointed star

I want to tell you something
This is not a story
I don’t tell stories
I write like I talk
I am told.
I won’t tell you elaborate stories
There may be details
Things that may have happened
But you will never know
The story
I will never tell you
I will give you crumbs
But never the whole loaf of bread
I want to tell you things
I want to tell you stories

But I won’t
and you won’t listen
and you won’t hear
and I won’t tell you a story
about a time
when I was alone
a time when I was vulnerable
and scared
about a time when
all I wanted was to be held
but the shadows gave me
more comfort
than he did
I want to tell you something
I am human
And whatever I tell you
Is me
It will never be anything else.

Interesting story about this song/poem/piece: I wrote this as a "song" for my Intro to Creative Writing class. We had to read Walt Whitman's "Song of Myself" from Leaves of Grass and write our own "song". So, I write this. Exactly how you see it. Only after the word "Sometimes" it went up into the next column on the same page. I made it into two columns instead of two pages. So, I read it in class and my instructor then asks me to pick a good friend in class. I pick someone and he asks me to read the first column and my friend to read the second column and see how it went. So back and forth you see? It was really interesting the way it went. Try reading it the two different ways and let me know what you think. I love feedback on my work so any comment or suggestions or criticism is greatly appreciated. (Ex: "I want to tell you something" goes down to: "But I won't" and so on and so forth)

Monday, January 1, 2007

Manic NYE

New year's Eve.
Unfortunately, I have been sick and in bed/couch for the past 3-4 days. Ever since Austin's funeral and the drunkenness that ensued I got super ill with strep throat or something of the sort and was delirious with a fever. So finally last night I was feeling better after being on penicillin for a day or so. So i decided to shower up, put on my new cute dress, and go over to my best friend's soiree.
My best friend Chelsea was having a "Lil' Baby New Years Party". There were pictures of new born babies everywhere and everyone got a hat that said so. By the time midnight rolled around she was holding the signs and dancing around while I snapped pictures of the everlasting moment she would never have remembered and now will be forced to.
Before the party, I went by the Trident and saw my best friend who was standing outside smoking a cigarette, 6 drinks in, on an empty stomach. Typical. He hugged me over and over and we laughed about old times and he walked me back to my car, hugged me a few more times gave me a big kiss on the lips and danced off down the alley and in the back door of the West End as I laughed and put on 'Minus the Bear' and drove off.
I proceeded to go to this guy's house who I am kind of seeing. I say kind of because he goes back to California tomorrow. So, nothing serious was ever going to come of the two of us. But he was still fun to have around while it lasted. And, hopefully we will see each other again. Anyhoo, unbeknownst to me, this guy already has company. I walk in to see 5 guys staring back at me. Listening to metal, cooking pasta, and watching UFC on TV. Awesome. "Welcome to the sausage fest" was my greeting and I plop down on the couch next to some dude half-ass introduced to me as "the guy in my band". I'm laughing by now because "guy in the band" is telling me how everyone on TV are gorillas and whores and is explaining it to me. Soon enough, I caught on and was yelling out at random intervals "WHORE!". Eventually I got bored of it, as all the boys were getting their pasta and sitting back on the couch I joined my boy at the computer and he burned me about 5 mp3 Cds of amazing music which I am actually listening to right now.
The night ended rather well, at one point I hung out with the three legged cat and whining dog in Chelsea's room, because i wasn't feeling well. But, I eventually got some energy back as Hallie, Chelsea and I decided to all dye our hair pink. Well, chels has done part of hers earlier in the day, so Hallie and I huddled up in front of the mirror with the manic panic and proceeded to put pink hair dye in our hair with a toothbrush. It turned out pretty funny. Hallie's looks really good. Mine, well, mine looks fine, but I'm not too worried about it. I'm getting my hair done soon and dying it all purple, so I can live with pink streaks for a few weeks. I can tell people I'm a freshman in high school again.
I ended up having these really vivid dreams last night, that i can't really relay here at the moment. But they were intense but really good. I woke up to a sweet text message from boy and remembered my hair was pink, so i woke up laughing. Which is always good.
I hope everyone had a good new years. I know mine could have been better, but really, I couldn't have asked for anything better considering the circumstances. Hope 2007 is good for all of you.